Here are some witty samples of what I hear around work. And what I say.
Me: I need to have more tolerance for idiots.
Stu: On behalf of idiots, we thank you.
Lisa: (while showing off an apendectomy scar) You should always try to find a girl with scars!
Me: All my girlfriends have scars. From knowing me.
Me: (tasting spaghetti from an anonymous co-worker) Hmmm. No onions.
Him: You know my wife never cooks with onions.
Me: You need to get her out of that “no onion” box.
Him: Hey, yo, don’t dis my ho!
Brian: I see you’re wearing your hat backwards! Steve’s started a trend!
Me: *edited for content*
Brian: By any chance, have you seen the ladder?
Me: It’s in my back pocket.
Brian: Really? *looks at my back pocket* (Okay I made that last bit up)
Me: (holding two popsicle sticks) *glares at Stu*
Stu: *burps loudly*
Me: Aaahhh! My +2 popsicle sticks are nothing compared with your +5 burpaga!
(Yes, that was for RPG fans…)
Stu: *filing a block of metal by hand*
Me: This is why we’re worl-famous… quality workmanship.
Stu: Yeah, me an my double-sided bastard. (The file was made by Bastard Tools)
Me: I can photoshop an endmill in there, and we could put in on our website.
Stu: Could you make me thin?
Me: I’m not that good.